Away Team
by RetardedFish97
Summary: Captain Janeway has had enough... For some reason, four members of her crew simply refuse to get along. Pretty soon, someone is going to get killed (...probably by B'Elanna...) The solution? Stick them all in the delta flyer, put Chakotay in charge and send them on an away mission. Just a bit of Voyager humour. P/T pairing and a little bit of J/C (rated for adult humour)
1. Never provoke a Klingon

**Away Team**

**Summary- The captain and Chakotay are plotting. There have been issues with the crew. Relationship issues, to be precise. So, when an incident in the mess hall becomes the last straw for Janeway and Chakotay, they take drastic action. They shove the quarrelling crewmen onto the Delta Flyer and send them on a routine away mission, hoping they'll sort out their differences and all return in one piece- have they forgotten that one of the away team is half-Klingon?**

**Relationships & Friendships- Torres/Paris relationship, Kim/Paris friendship, Torres/Kim friendship, Janeway/Chakotay? (It's a mystery!) **

_**WARNINGS: Seven does NOT get a fair deal in this story. Partly because B'Elanna is my favourite character and so it was always going to be a bit biased to her side, and partly because I'm a bit of a bitch. But, y'know, Seven doesn't get completely picked on… well, not by me anyway!**_

_**I can't help it, I ship Janeway/Chakotay. It just SHOULD happen. But that is the only thing I have shipped, and ever will ship. **_

_**My Klingon isn't perfect. Except for 'petaQ' (which Torres uses pretty frequently for someone who 'hates everything Klingon) I googled the rest… DON'T shoot!**_

…**..**

"Ah, just another peaceful break in the mess hall." Harry sighed, sitting at a table across from Chakotay.

"Oh, I don't know, give it… five seconds?"

(Five seconds later…)

"ghuy'cha!" B'Elanna snarled, jumping up from the table she sat at with Tom. "You're always on that holodeck program!"

"See, told you," Chakotay murmured, before standing up. "Lieutenant Torres- keep your lovers' tiff to the privacy of your own quarters."

"I doubt that she'll be able to do that, commander," Seven interjected, "The entire population of deck nine section twelve will be hearing the whole argument- as they hear other… relations between Lieutenants Torres and Paris."

A nervous laughter rippled through the mess hall, and Chakotay's mouth fell open in shock. Harry pressed a hand to his mouth to stop a laugh escaping. B'Elanna looked furiously from Tom, to Harry, to Chakotay to Seven. Her eyes returned to Chakotay for a second,

"Close your mouth Chakotay, it's hardly attractive."

A supressed laugh escaped the crowd. But the Klingon wasn't angry at him. She whipped round to face Seven,

"And as for you, _Borg_, you have no business going around saying stuff like that,"

She moved towards Seven until her face was inches from the blonde, who was slightly taller than her.

"I am merely stating facts Lieutenant. Most crewmen know of your… bedroom habits. Maybe it's your Klingon nature…"

"I'LL GIVE YOU KLINGON NATURE!" B'Elanna spat, throwing Seven back against a wall, "You pathetic yIntagh! Shut the hell up before I rearrange your facial features…"

"That is ENOUGH lieutenant!" Chakotay ordered, grabbing B'Elanna's shoulder and spinning her round to face him.

B'Elanna tried to shake his hand off her shoulder,

"Get OFF me, Chakotay."

"Maybe you should cool off in the brig, hmm?"

"What, I take your pet Borg down a peg or two for making inappropriate comments about my love life and you throw me in the brig? Grow UP, Chakotay!"

Chakotay hit his comm badge,

"Chakotay to security, Lieutenant Torres could use a few minutes in the brig to… cool off. Now, Lieutenant, are you going to take yourself down there or do I have to drag you?"

"Good luck with that," B'Elanna smirked.

"Right then," Chakotay grabbed her arm, "Security, beam Lieutenant Torres and I to the brig."

The two disappeared.

…..

Tom leapt up and marched over to where 7 of 9 stood.

"You had no right to say that!"

"In your words, lieutenant, it's a 'free country'." Seven tilted her head to one side.

Tom grew angry,

"You did that on purpose! You embarrassed her, you provoked her! God, you can be a bitch at times."

Tom stormed out to try and talk to B'Elanna. Harry looked at 7.

"That was harsh, Seven."

He followed his best friend from the room, as the junior staff watched aghast. Seven felt uncomfortable, and found herself staring at the floor.

…..

"Again?"

Chakotay removed the ice pack from the cut on his forehead.

"Third time this week and it's only Thursday- She was arguing with Tom, so I told her to keep it for the privacy of their quarters and Seven…"

"Said that none of their relations are kept to their quarters. I know." The Captain smirked.

Chakotay grimaced, "Then I stopped B'Elanna killing 7, had security teleport me and B'Elanna to the brig, tried to get her into a cell, got hit in the face… same old, same old. Y'know, I'm getting sick of them always fighting."

"Who?" The captain asked.

"Who'd you think? Seven and B'Elanna, B'Elanna and Tom, Tom and Harry, B'Elanna and me- in fact, I've said B'Elanna 3 times, let's just accept that it's B'Elanna and the senior staff."

"What do you propose we do?"

"Lock us all up together and let us all sort out our differences." Chakotay smirked.

"Not a bad idea," the captain agreed, "But not on Voyager. Tomorrow, you take B'Elanna, Seven, Tom and Harry on an away mission. Bring them back in one piece and I'll replicate you dinner."

Chakotay smiled,

"You're joking, right?"

Janeway's face was deathly serious-

"No."

"Please, Kathryn- B'Elanna will kill me!"

"Take a phaser."

…..

"Hey, B, you're free!" Tom bounced into the brig, "Not only that, baby, but you're on the away mission to survey that M class planetoid- the one with the tropical beaches and beautiful rainforests? C'mon Lani, it'll be fun!"

B'Elanna smiled at him,

"Let me out of this god damn cell and I'll think about not killing you."

Tom let B'Elanna out, and she charged towards him, growling menacingly, and jumped on him, pinning him to the floor.

"Hey, hey, whoa! Jeesh, B, you were in there for what- an hour? Just cool it! But I'm sorry, baby, no more captain proton for a whole month, okay?"

B'Elanna let him go and helped him stand up.

"You're lucky Harry came down here to talk to me, he saved your sorry butt Tom."

"What'd he say?"

B'Elanna stepped closer to him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips,

"Just that you called 7 a bitch for me and lost a week's replicator rations as punishment. And that you kicked up such a stink about it that Seven is now sat in the cell behind us."

Seven glared at them.

"You're on the away team too, nosy, so I suggest you…" Tom saw B'Elanna's face, "… oh, shit."

"She's WHAT?!"

**What did you think? Please review :)  
Next two chapters are already done and will be up ASAP :)**


	2. Seriously, don't

**Hey there, I'm back already.  
(I know how annoying it is when someone's updates are as far apart as a vulcan's ponn farrs)  
I hope I've stayed true to character (ish) here, except for the well-meant 7-bashing. (if it helps, she will get her revenge later ;) )**

…**..**

B'Elanna stormed out of the brig, and was about to jump in a turbolift when Chakotay caught her arm.

"What do **you** want?" she spat.

Chakotay let go of her arm,

"Just to apologise- I shouldn't have punished you and not 7."

"Well, at least she's in the brig. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go talk to our Qovpatlh of a captain."

"Hey!" Chakotay said authoritatively, "Be nice. I suppose you heard about the away mission."

"Surprisingly, yes. Sometimes I think Tom's the only loyal person on this ship. So who's going?"

"Yeah," Tom grinned, "C'mon Chakotay, spill the beans- all I know is that it's B'Elanna, 7 and I, because the captain told me to tell them."

"Well, neither of you is going to like this- It's You, 7, B'Elanna, Harry and I."

B'Elanna groaned,

"Sorry, can't go, I'm allergic to petaQs."

"And I'm allergic to your bad moods, I'll have the doctor prepare us both a hypospray." Chakotay returned.

Tom took over, calmer than B'Elanna but still annoyed.

"Commander, look, maybe it'd be better if B'Elanna and I stayed here. Harry and I haven't exactly been seeing 'eye to eye', nor have B'Elanna and… well, anyone… so maybe we should just not go. I mean, Neelix…"

"Sorry Tom, it's all of us or none of us, Captain's orders."

Tom sighed, Chakotay groaned, B'Elanna roared… the captain, who was on her way to break the news to Tom and B'Elanna personally, hid.

…..

A few days later, and the away mission had arrived. The team met in the shuttlebay.

"Seven," B'Elanna spat, accompanied by a nod.

"Lieutenant," the Borg drone nodded in return.

Harry and Tom looked at each other, "Ready?"

"No." Tom replied.

Chakotay walked in, "Jeesh, I told you guys to be friendly, not passive aggressive."

"Shut it, Chakotay," B'Elanna snapped.

She was perhaps the only one who could get away with speaking to him like that. He was about to retaliate when the captain walked towards them. B'Elanna clenched her fists.

"Captain," she said through gritted teeth.

The rest of the group greeted her, and even though their dislike for her was masked better than B'Elanna's, she could sense hostility from each and every one of them.

"I just came down here to wish you luck, and to set some ground rules: rank and role is the same as on voyager. No one disobeys orders. No one kills anyone. You all come back in one week, in one piece. Understood?"

The away team nodded and murmured and growled. The captain left quickly.

…..

On the shuttle, headed to the M class planet, Chakotay had an idea. He called everyone to the miniature bridge of the delta flyer.

"What do you WANT, Chakotay?" B'Elanna grumbled, "Tom and I are meant to be sleeping."

Seven raised an eyebrow, "Lieutenant Torres- if you are meant to be sleeping, then surely you shouldn't have been…"

"Again, Seven?" B'Elanna snapped, "What is wrong with you?! Are you jealous, or just perverted? In fact, I don't care. ONE MORE comment about mine and Tom's love-life and you'll find yourself floating outside an airlock."

B'Elanna raised her hand and Chakotay grabbed her wrist, before she could break Seven's nose. The half-Klingon flexed her arm and jerked her fist backwards, slamming it into Chakotay's face. Crack! It made contact with his nose- which began to pour with blood. B'Elanna gasped, holding her hands over her mouth.

"Chakotay!" she exclaimed, aghast, "I am SO sorry!"

Chakotay stood up straight, holding his nose. Tom handed him a hypospray.

"Lieutenant. Perhaps we should take this elsewhere?"

B'Elanna nodded and followed him from the bridge. Seven smirked at them.

"Seven, wipe that smirk off your face."

Tom and Harry sniggered.

…..

"B'Elanna," Chakotay sighed, annoyed, "I know Seven can be irritating at times, but you can't break her nose. No matter what."

"How about her jaw? That'd shut her up and I'm sure…"

"NO! Lieutenant Torres, I'm making this official. One more broken bone, or any violence, for that matter, and believe me you won't like the consequences."

She wouldn't look him in the eye, she was embarrassed. He didn't normally tell her off.

"Yes, sir," B'Elanna muttered.

Chakotay wouldn't let her get away with it that easily,

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

"Yes Sir," B'Elanna replied, louder.

Her cheeks burned with humiliation as she headed back to her quarters. Tom appeared and followed her.

…..

When Tom got to their shared temporary quarters, B'Elanna was already in bed. He knees were curled up to her chest and her head rested in her hands.

"Hey," he whispered, climbing into bed behind her.

She rolled over to look at him. A small smile formed on her face as she did so.

"Hey, you."

"Seven was outta line…"

"Seven's a bitch," B'Elanna smirked.

Tom raised an eyebrow,

"Why, you were hardly little miss innocent, were you?"

B'Elanna scowled at him.

"So, what? I don't want to be on this death mission, Tom…"

She cuddled up to him and rested her head on his chest. He turned is head so he was nestled into her hair, planting little kisses on the top of her head. This little, loving gesture made her feel better. But Tom wanted to make sure she knew where everyone stood.

"You know you're the main offender here, right? Well, no, I said that wrong, you just…"

"I have fallouts with most crewmen. But I apologise- unless its Seven. Seven usually deserves it."

"True," Tom smiled, "One more comment about… ahem… 'noise' and I'll let you throw her out an airlock."

"Oh, very chivalrous. You don't even offer to help."

"You deserve the revenge more than me. You are amazing, B, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"And YOU are excellent at talking your way out of trouble."

"AND I have a plan- I am just too good."

…..


	3. Poor old Harry

**Hey guys, me again!  
Here's the 3****rd**** chapter!  
…..**

B'Elanna rolled her eyes and sat up.

"Plan?"

She arched an eyebrow at him, and he laughed, pulling her back into bed.

"Yes, a plan- we're away a week, lets liven things up a little."

"How?"

"Borg spheres? Borg cubes? Hirogens?"

"Too dangerous," B'Elanna smiled, "How about a few practical jokes… and we… wait. We should involve Harry."

"Harry? Wait, no way, I…"

"Tom, he's not that bad- he's just a bit Starfleet."

"Exactly."

B'Elanna rolled over in bed and pushed her body up, so she was resting on her elbows. Tom rolled onto his side to look at her.

"Starfleet…" B'Elanna muttered, "It's not that bad."

"I prefer… Maquis. Well, a Maquis. An ex one, actually…"

B'Elanna cuddled up to him.

"Really, what are they like?"

"Beautiful, clever, scary as hell…" Tom murmured.

B'Elanna smiled at him contentedly, but he just had to go ruin it.

"It's a shame you never got to meet her…"

…..

B'Elanna glared,

"PetaQ."

"qatlho'," Tom smirked.

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow at him, "You're welcome. And stop speaking Klingon. I don't like _Klingon._"

"You started it."

"Shut up, before I rip your head off."

"Lani?" Tom smirked.

"What?" B'Elanna snapped, irritably.

"You're being Klingon-y."

"Do you WANT a fight?" She challenged, sitting upright and glaring at him slightly.

Tom shook his head and hid under the covers with a laugh.

"toDSaH!" B'Elanna laughed, diving under the covers.

She chased him out from underneath them and on top of the bed, then wrestled him until he was pinned beneath her.

"You're hardly proving the 'I'm-not-very-Klingon' thing!"

"And YOU'RE not disproving that YOU are a toDSaH," B'Elanna smiled, letting him go and rolling onto the bed beside him.

"Anyway- I can't sleep, and Seven's probably listening to us through the door."

"Probably."

…..

A few minutes later, and the pair were in Harry's small room, tiptoeing towards the bed. Harry awoke at the sound of Tom's rather heavy footsteps and opened his mouth to shout out in fear. B'Elanna darted forward and pressed a hand to his mouth, hard. Leaning closer to his face, she hissed,

"Can it, Starfleet."

Harry nodded, and when B'Elanna took her hand away he gasped a few, shallow breaths.

"What the hell?!"

"We're bored." Tom smirked, "And B'Elanna wouldn't let me leave you out."

"B'Elanna may have just broken my jaw." Harry muttered.

B'Elanna scowled at him, the darkness making her features even more frightening.

"Get a hypospray, Starfleet- or it'll be your neck."

Harry moved further away from her, jumping out of bed.

"So, what are you going to do- if you're bored, I mean?"

"Mess with Seven's head a little…"

B'Elanna was smiling at the very idea. The smile was malicious and eager- her white teeth were showing, something the only did when she was really excited or happy about something.

"Klingons…" Tom muttered from behind her, and she whipped round.

Striding towards him, she pinned him up against the wall and whispered,

"What's so wrong with Klingons?"

Her head tilted on one side. Her fist drew back menacingly and her smile was now a closed-lipped smirk. Her eyes were bright and playful. He knew she wouldn't really hurt him but was still slightly frightened by the menacing look on her face. Tom decided to cover his tracks,

"Nothing at all- I meant Borgs. Evil, nasty, smelly Borgs."

"Good. And now, to make Seven look like a moron."

…..

Seven, meanwhile, was on the bridge with commander Chakotay.

"Seven, you really need to lay off Lieutenant Torres. It's not funny."

"Actually commander, I felt the urge to laugh at her outbursts. Therefore, it is funny." Seven raised an eyebrow.

Chakotay frowned at her,

"Seven, I'm serious. Be nice to her- she's a close friend of mine, and she's not as bad as you think."

"There is nothing wrong with my perception, commander. She is every bit as bad as I think."

Chakotay tutted and rolled his eyes. Seven could be an irritating Borgy-bitch at times, and that was the one part of her that he didn't like.

"Seven, this is an order. No more comments about Lieutenant Torres, do you understand me?"

Seven simply raised an eyebrow, her cortical node twitching.

…

Meanwhile, Tom, Harry and B'Elanna were hard at work, plotting. The two intruders had plonked themselves on Harry's bed, and Harry himself was up and dressed. The group sat and talked in whispers.

"So, what do you want to do?" Harry asked, feeling dubious.

"I _want _to throw that bitch out an airlock," B'Elanna smirked, "But Tom won't let me, so we're going to have to screw up her life some other way."

"Little harsh, B?" Tom frowned, "We're only after a little revenge here."

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow at him, "You're 'only after revenge'? So, you mean to tell me that helping _me_ screw up _my_ arch enemy's life has nothing to do with anything else?"

Tom grinned,

"Maybe you're right,"

He leant in and kissed her gently.

"Maybe I have another motive."

B'Elanna grinned, kissing him back. Harry could do nothing but look away awkwardly as Tom pushed himself up, leaning over B'Elanna.

"Guys, we're meant to be borg-bashing here?"

The pair ignored him, kissing more. Harry rolled his eyes and got up.

"Right, I'm going to go and vomit and leave you two to… do whatever it is you do…"

He headed towards the door and heaved in a deep sigh.

"… In my bed…"

…

He headed to the bridge, slumping into the seat next to the commander. Seven and Chakotay looked at him, Seven raising an eyebrow.

"Are you alright, Ensign?"

Harry ran a hand through his hair.

"Fine, Seven. Just tired."

Chakotay frowned,

"Well why aren't you in bed, then? That's why I dismissed you, Tom and B'Elanna. You're going to need your sleep for tomorrow."

Harry nodded, looking down at his thumbs. He twiddled them, round and round, sending himself into a sort of trance. He was weighing up the benefits of telling Chakotay, against the major disadvantage of having B'Elanna seriously disfigure his face if he did.

"Um…" Harry looked down, "Never mind."

"Harry?" Chakotay frowned, his voice ominous.

"Tom and B'Elanna are… doing whatever it is they _do _to each other." Harry sighed, giving in.

Chakotay scowled at him. B'Elanna was like his daughter, and he did NOT want even more bitching about her sex life. He was sick of hearing about it, it didn't feel right!

"Harry, I'm serious. I have had enough comments about Tom and B'Elanna's relationship."

"No, commander, it's not about… what Seven seems so obsessed with…"

"Watch it, Ensign," Chakotay warned again.

"Commander, I can't sleep because Tom and B'Elanna are having their 'relationship' in my bed."

Silence fell over the room like new sheets over a bed. The group looked down, none of them wanting to make eye contact. Eventually Chakotay broke the silence.

"Ah."

…..


	4. Chakotay being mean or is he?

**Away Team**

**This goes a little strange towards the end, but trust me. In a few chapters time, it'll be important.**

…..

Although no one approved of Seven's comment, they couldn't deny that she was right. Chakotay, Harry and the Borg-bitch herself sat on the bridge, trying to make conversation to drown out the background sound. Harry looked at Seven.

"So, Seven, you looking forward to the planetoid?"

"_Oh, god."_

Seven nodded,

"Indeed, Ensign. It will be very interesting. However, the doctor and I have been discussing how a childhood fear might cause problems on the journey."

"_Oh god!"_

"Childhood fear?" Chakotay asked, suddenly interested.

The 'noise' had been hard for him to bear. B'Elanna was like his daughter, and the temptation to hit Tom very hard in the face and break it was hard to resist.

"Yes," Seven looked at him, "When I was a child, I remember my parents reading me a book called 'the forest people'. In it, a peaceful group of travellers were held hostage by a group of green, tree-like humanoids who wanted to bury them underground and grow new trees out of them."

"_Tom… Tom…"_

Harry pulled a 'hmm' face, as if to try and dismiss the conversation. Seven looked embarrassed, and he didn't want to cause further embarrassment… at least that's what he wanted the Commander to think. Secretly, he was storing this incredibly useful information to bribe B'Elanna out of throwing his balls into the Alpha Quadrant.

…

_Two hours_ later, and B'Elanna and Tom stumbled onto the bridge. Everyone looked at them, and B'Elanna scanned their faces.

"What? WHAT?!" She demanded, outraged.

Chakotay simply raised his eyebrows, then looked down for a second. When he looked back up, B'Elanna was staring at him. Her mouth hung open slightly. He could tell from that look that she was upset and confused, and decided to do what he thought was kindest.

"Lieutenant Torres, perhaps I could speak to you in private."

He got up, and with B'Elanna's nod, guided her out of the room with a protective hand on her back. As she reached the door, he stopped and looked at Seven.

"One word, Seven, and you're in trouble. Harry, explain to Tom, would you?"

B'Elanna had turned to look at them, her eyes wide like a frightened rabbit. He knew how embarrassed she was.

…..

"Chakotay, why was everyone staring at me?"

Her voice was nearly a whisper with how frightened she was. She didn't like being stared at like a freak, which is what being 'the only Klingon' and 'that violent half-Klingon' and 'the mongrel child' can do to you. Chakotay knew about her past of being singled out, and decided to put her out of her misery.

"We could all hear you and Tom."

B'Elanna turned round, looking away from Chakotay.

"I bet Seven's going to have a field day." She growled.

Chakotay rolled his eyes,

"Seven will be saying nothing."

"She will," B'Elanna growled, whipping round and pointing a finger in his face. She was shaking all over with rage, "She will, and you'll tell your precious captain, and everyone will be laughing at me. That's all I am on your precious crew, Chakotay, the novelty half-Klingon with a temper to match. Let's all laugh at B'Elanna because she's not like us. Well, you know what, I'm sick of it. So you can stick your stupid away mission up your _arse."_

Chakotay's eyes widened in shock. Sure, B'Elanna had been rude to him before, but never to that level. There was usually some level of playfulness behind her snide remarks; today there was none. She was angry, _really _angry, but the hurt in her voice was not hard to miss. He bit back the retort that instinctively formed in his mind… B'Elanna's outburst was, after all, fuelled by distress and not a desire to hurt his feelings.

"You know what I'm sick of?" Chakotay sighed, "I'm sick of you always assuming that everybody hates you! It's like some sort of colour-blindness, except this is more like friendship-blindness… I like you, B'Elanna. Harry likes you. The Captain likes you. Neelix likes you… for heaven's sake, even the doctor likes you, and he loathes most people! And lets not even get started on Tom. Tom _loves _you, B'Elanna. And what I'm even more sick of is the childish, immature way you choose to react to anything that upsets you. I heard, or rather, Seven heard you trying to convince Tom and Harry to play practical jokes on her. I'm just glad that Tom and Harry had the sense to say no"

B'Elanna looked baffled. It had been _Tom's _plan at first. And Harry seemed willing enough to help out… where the hell did Chakotay get that idea? Unless…

"Seven was lying! It was T… I mean, it was just a joke! Seven must have known, she just… that bitch. That petaQ… that… that… that fucking…"

"That is ENOUGH!" Chakotay's voice was loud and clear, "Any more foul language like that and I'll wash your mouth out with soap."

"I'd like to see you try…"

"Is that so?" Chakotay raised his eyebrow, taking a step towards her.

"You wouldn't dare…" B'Elanna didn't flinch.

"Want to bet?" Chakotay replied. "You don't listen to anything else, Torres. Nothing else seems to make you stop. Maybe if I start treating you like a child you'll get fed up and stop acting like one. So this is your last warning, and I'm making it official in front of everyone on this shuttle. Until you snap out of it, I'm going to treat you like your five years old…"

B'Elanna's mouth opened then closed again. She was shocked, hurt and angry… especially as Chakotay had addressed her by her last name. He hadn't done that in over a year. But most of all, the injustice of it made her want to scream. Seven was being just as childish… and she'd lied… Harry and Tom were in on it too…

Chakotay seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"Don't you dare accuse me of being biased. Everyone else is on their final warning. If any of them put so much as a toe out of line, they'll get exactly the same."

…..


End file.
